


This Was a Mistake™

by Kestrealbird



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Aranea feels, Aranea is a Badass Sister, Body Positivity, Crimes, Father Figures ftw, Fluff, Genderfluid Aulea, Gladio is the best honestly, Hurt/Comfort, Iris and her Call Outs, It's His Mating Call, Luna Queen of Gossip, Luna is Very Gay, Multi, Nyx is really gay for his boyfriends, Prompto Protection Squad, Prompto's Shitty Parents, Ravus dragging his sister, Step On Me, Trans Prompto, Trigger Warning for referenced Transphobia, Vague AU, big bro gladio, chatfic, everyones a mess, memes and shitposts, referenced Xenophobia, talk of anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-02-09 14:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12889623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kestrealbird/pseuds/Kestrealbird
Summary: The chatfic no-one asked for but I felt obligated to write anyway. A lot will happen and I'm not sorryMoogle-Princess: are you two dating nowAranea: Not YetMoogle-Princess: One FearAlternatively Titled: One Big Call Out Post





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just gonna be a side-project so updates will be random but I do have a lot planned out for this so prepare for some laughs and some feels. Depends on the chapter really

**Choco-snap** : So

 **Hunkiolus** : Oh no

 **Choco-snap** : I may have

 **Choco-snap** : lost the key to my apartment

 **NoctGar** : Omg

 **Choco-snap** : so now I can't get in

 **Hunkiolus** : aren't you freezing!?

 **Choco-snap** : no?? It's only?? -5???

 **Ignacious** : “““Only”””

 **Choco-snap** : not all of us freeze on contact with a breeze, Iggy

 **NoctGar** : I just heard him sharpening a blade

 **Choco-snap** : I’m sorry I love you please help me!

 **Ignacious** : are you outside your house?

 **Choco-snap** : ye

 **Ignacious** : give me ten minutes

 **NoctGar** : Since when do you have a key to his apartment!?

 **Choco-snap** : he doesn't

 **Hunkiolus** : ARE YOU GOING TO PICK THE LOCK!?

 **Ignacious** : Ignis can't come to the phone right now

 **NoctGar** : oh my g

 **Hunkiolus** : That's illegal

 **Choco-snap** : Not if I give him permission first

 **NoctGar** : that's fair

\----

 **Ignacious** : I stayed over because it started hailing

 **Hunkiolus** : is he okay? He’s never lost his keys before

 **NoctGar** : yeah he’s usually a lot more prepared then this??? Like he’d have a spare on him you know?

 **Ignacious** : Prompto is...having some problems at home

 **NoctGar** : again

 **Hunkiolus** : do you know what's happened?

 **Ignacious** : no. He won't tell me

 **NoctGar** : is he asleep?

 **Ignacious** : yes

 **Hunkiolus** : this why you and Nyx been so nervous recently?

 **Ignacious** : is it obvious?

 **Hunkiolus** : yeah

 **Ignacious** : I see

 **Ignacious** : I’m going to bed for now. I’ll try and see what's wrong tomorrow

 **NoctGar** : okay. Night Specs

 **Hunkiolus** : night

 **Ignacious** : mm

\----

 **Choco-snap** : Ignis said you’re worried about me

 **NoctGar** : yeah we are

 **Hunkiolus** : you don't have to say anything if you don't want to

 **Choco-snap** : no

 **Choco-snap** : it’s fine

 **NoctGar** : are you sure?

 **Choco-snap** : ye

 **Choco-snap** : my parents aren't….being supportive

 **NoctGar** : what else is new

 **Hunkiolus** : NOCT

 **NoctGar** : right. Sorry

 **Choco-snap** : no, no. It’s fine, really. I get it.

 **Moogle-Princess** : :/

 **Moogle-Princess** : who do I have to fight

 **Choco-snap** : should I be concerned that your first response is to fight someone

 **Hunkiolus** : it’s an Amicitia thing

 **Choco-snap** : o...kay then?

 **Ignacious** : Is there something specific they don't like or?

 **NoctGar** : thought you were still with him

 **Ignacious** : I am. Texting is easier for him though

 **Choco-snap** : …..

 **Ignacious** : oh

 **Hunkiolus** : what?

 **Choco-snap** : there’s a few things they don't like

 **Choco-snap** : recently though….

 **Moogle-Princess** : oh. They don't like you dating Ignis and Nyx?

 **Choco-snap** : mm

 **Hunkiolus** : thought they’d be _thrilled_ that you’re dating men

 **Ignacious** : let’s not bring up the Transphobia right now

 **Choco-snap** : please don't

 **Hunkiolus** : alright then

 **Hunkiolus** : sorry

 **NoctGar** : what isn't there to like about your boyfriends?

 **NoctGar** : except how grossly romantic you all are

 **Hunkiolus** : don't be jealous of what you don't have

 **NoctGar** : I’m not jealous

 **Moogle-Princess** : I can feel you bristling from across the city

 **NoctGar** : s h u t

 **Choco-snap** : they don't like polyamory

 **Hunkiolus** : uh oh

 **Moogle-Princess** : so they want you to…?

 **Choco-snap** : yeah. If I want to date someone I can only date one person. They want me to choose between Ignis and Nyx

 **Ignacious** : that isn’t fair

 **Choco-snap** : /shrug

 **Choco-snap** : it’s how they are I guess

 **Moogle-Princess** : I’m calling the Prompto Protection Squad

 **Choco-snap** : wait what

 **NoctGar** : PROMPTO PROTECTION SQUAD UNITE

 **Choco-snap** : THAT ISN'T NECESSARY

 **Hunkiolus** : hugs are always necessary

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I’M HERE TO HUG MY BOYFRIEND

 **Choco-snap** : SCREAM

 **Ignacious** : I have him in my clutches!

 **NoctGar** : NICE

 **Hunkiolus** : NICE

 **Moogle-Princess** : omw

 **Nyxie Pixie** : already here

 **Hunkiolus** : holy shit

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I warped over

 **NoctGar** : hoyl shit

 **Choco-snap** : why does this squad exist!?

 **Moogle-Princess** : because you deserve the world

 **Choco-snap** : I’m

 **Ignacious** : blushing

 **Choco-snap** : nO

 **Nyxie Pixie** : you lot better hurry up before we kidnap him

 **Moogle-Princess** : HURRYING

 **Hunkiolus** : I GOT THE CAR GET IN

 **NoctGar** : I’M HERE


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the PromnisWeek prompts come out tomorrow and I haven't prepared for them yet RIP me. I was supposed t finish some other fics before they came out and instead I procrastinated with this chapter lmao

**NoctGar** : aRE YOU DONE MAKING OUT YET!?

 **Nyxie Pixie** : never

 **NoctGar** : I hate you

 **Nixie Pixie** : hate the sin not the sinner

 **NoctGar** : :/

 **Nyxie Pixie** : :^)

\----

 **Nyxie Pixie** : okay we r done making out now!

 **NoctGar** : I can't believe this

 **Moogle-Princess** : I’m at the store do you want anything?

 **Hunkiolus** : earplugs, preferably

 **Moogle-Princess** : ohmygod

 **Choco-snap** : we didn’t go that far!

 **Ignacious** : unfortunately

 **NoctGar** : squints

 **NoctGar** : then why aren't you walking out

 **Choco-snap** : becAUSE NYX CAN'T KEEP HIS TEETH TO HIMSELF

 **Nyxie Pixie** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Hunkiolus** : my poor virgin eyes???

 **Moogle-Princess** : I’ve seen your porn Gladio I know ur eyes aren't pure

 **Ignacious** : you just admitted to not being pure yourself

 **Moogle-Princess** : FUCK

 **Nyxie Pixie** : anyway can I get some crisps?

 **Moogle-Princess** : no cuz your a Sinner

 **Nyxie Pixie** : r u d e

 **Choco-snap** : can I get a fruit shoot?

 **Moogle-Princess** : sure!

 **Nyxie Pixie** : oh _I_ see how it is

 **Moogle-Princess** : :^)

 **Ignacious** : may I request a mars bar?

 **Moogle-Princess** : ye

 **Nyxie Pixie** : he’s a sinner too!

 **Moogle-Princess** : but he’s a Classy Sinner

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I feel attacked???

 **Hunkiolus** : good

 **Nyxie Pixie** : GASP

 **Nyxie Pixie** : MEAN

 **Moogle-Princess** : does Noct want anything?

 **Hunkiolus** : he fell asleep but he’d probs fancy some tuna

 **Moogle-Princess** : they don't have any

 **Hunkiolus** : he’ll be crushed

 **Moogle-Princess** : I’m sure he’ll live

 **Choco-snap** : idk he’s a bit of a Drama Queen

 **Ignacious** : and you’re not?

 **Choco-snap** : touche

 **Moogle-Princess** : um

 **Choco-snap** : I can't do the funny little e so sue me

 **Nyxie Pixie** : can I sue you with kisses?

 **Choco-snap** : no

 **Nyxie Pixie** : :(

\----

 **Moogle-Princess** : you know what we should do!?

 **Hunkiolus** : ???

 **Moogle-Princess** : the body positivity challenge!!

 **Choco-snap** : I’m out

 **Ignacious** : it doesn't have to be anything NSFW you know

 **Choco-snap** : hhhhhhh okay but if I see a nude I’m leaving

 **NoctGar** : well damn there goes my plans

 **Hunkiolus** : my _actual sister_ is right here Noct

 **NoctGar** : oh shit

 **Moogle-Princess** : wow

 **Moogle-Princess** : wait does he just send nudes whenever to you guys???

 **Choco-snap** : usually me

 **Nyxie Pixie** : can't believe you’re tryna seduce my bf like this

 **Choco-snap** : no he just wants me to judge his angles and lighting

 **Ignacious** : pfft

 **NoctGar** : oh shut it as if you’ve never done the same thing

 **Ignacious** : I have no bad angles

 **Nyxie Pixie** : same

 **Choco-snap** : ;))))

_Badangle.jpeg_

**Nyxie Pixie** : WOW I HATE YOU???

 **Ignacious** : SVMDBDBABDNHF

 **NoctGar** : I’m pissgn

 **Hunkiolus** : that is

 **Hunkiolus** : quite the expression guys

 **Moogle-Princess** : I want it framed on my wall

 **Choco-snap** : yeah no that’s creepy

 **Moogle-Princess** : true

 **NoctGar** : what’s the challenge anyway?

 **Moogle-Princess** : !!!! RIGHT!!!

 **Moogle-Princess** : okay so! You basically take a pic of the body parts/markings you’re the most insecure about (keep it clean though guys) and you share it with the group! And then we tell you that you’re being dumb because everyone is pretty!

 **NoctGar** : oh

 **NoctGar** : nvm I forfeit

 **Moogle-Princess** : what? Why?

 **NoctGar** : don't have a mirror so I can't take the photo I need

 **Ignacious** : ah

 **Hunkiolus** : well since we’re together rn I’ll take it for you

 **NoctGar** : really?

 **Hunkiolus** : sure

 **Hunkiolus** : as long as you take mine

 **NoctGar** : deal

 **Moogle-Princess** : are we all in???

 **Choco-snap** : mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 **Nyxie Pixie** : pleeeeeaaaase

 **Choco-snap** : fine

 **Moogle-Princess** : yay! Thanks Nyx!

 **Nyxie Pixie** : no prob Moog

 **Moogle-Princess** : :D

 **NoctGar** : I’ll go first then!

_Backscar.jpeg_

**Choco-snap** : it does look pretty nasty

 **NoctGar** : I know

 **NoctGar** : loads of people tell me they still find me attractive but it feels like they’re just sugarcoating it to make me feel better

 **Hunkiolus** : oh you’re still gorgeous but the scar does look nasty

 **Moogle-Princess** : it looks like it still hurts

 **NoctGar** : sometimes

 **Nyxie Pixie** : storms right?

 **NoctGar** : yeah they really mess me up. Sometimes the pain is so bad I can’t even move

 **Moogle-Princess** : D: oh no!

 **NoctGar** : I just don't like the idea of my injury slowing people down I guess….

 **Hunkiolus** : you know my eye scar?

 **NoctGar** : yeah?? Of course I do??

 **Hunkiolus** : I can't see very well out of that eye anymore

 **Nyxie Pixie** : !!!

 **Ignacious** : what!?

 **Choco-snap** : oh god

 **Moogle-Princess** : it’s true. Dad was really upset when he found out cuz he never wanted Gladdy to get hurt like that even if it comes with being a Shield

 **Hunkiolus** : Dad’s always gonna be protective like that. My point is, my injury hasn't slowed down anyone, not even me. And neither has yours. Or His Majesty’s. Injuries like that will only slow you down if you let them. If a blind man can still navigate through life and live like he still has his sight, then I don't see why you can't do the same

 **NoctGar** : wow that's….incredibly corny Gladio, god where’d you read that from?

 **Hunkiolus** : came up with it myself

 **Nyxie Pixie** : A++ speech

 **Hunkiolus** : thanks

 **Hunkiolus** : least someone appreciates it

 **Choco-snap** : #betterthanDrautos

 **Moogle-Princess** : FUCKING CHRIST

 **Nyxie Pixie** : NO DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH HE’S IN THE ROOM NEXT DOOR TO ME

 **Ignacious** : RIP

 **Moogle-Princess** : It’s my turn next!

_Smallbiceps.jpeg_

**Moogle-Princess** : despite being an Amicitia I’m not built like all our other relatives so it makes me feel like the odd one out

 **Hunkiolus** : it adds to your intimidation factor

 **Moogle-Princess** : really???

 **Nyxie Pixie** : can confirm seeing you wield a sword twice your size with no visible biceps is absolutely terrifying

 **Moogle-Princess** : is this why you took my Talk so seriously?

 **Nyxie Pixie** : let’s not talk about that

 **Ignacious** : he still has nightmares

 **Moogle-Princess** : _good_

 **Hunkiolus** : that's my girl

 **Nyxie Pixie** : fsmgvged

 **NoctGar** : finally someone else is getting dragged

 **Moogle-Princess** : I glared at you once and you warped out of a window

 **NoctGar** : _listen_

 **Hunkiolus** : ANYWAY MY TURN NEXT

 **NoctGar** : oh boy

_Flatass.jpeg_

**Hunkiolus** : I have the flattest ass

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I don't

 **Hunkiolus** : fuck you

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I’m sure you’d love to

 **Hunkiolus** : I’d rather not be sliced up by your bfs thanks

 **Ignacious** : wrong. I would slice you both up and turn you into bullets so Prompto can shoot you straight into a monster's gullet

 **Moogle-Princess** : r i p

 **Nyxie Pixie** : moving on from that disturbing imagery

_Facetattoo.jpeg_

**Choco-snap** : wait really??

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I’ve had exes who really didn’t like them and they literally broke up with me just because I refused to get them taken away

 **Choco-snap** : I need some names and errrr about 2 shotguns and a rifle

 **NoctGar** : asvdbdnbf

 **Ignacious** : he isn't kidding

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I didn’t think I could fall in love any further and yet

 **Hunkiolus** : keep it together Nyx

 **Nyxie Pixie** : impossible my boyfriends are too perfect

 **Moogle-Princess** : you're just a Bi Mess™

 **Choco-snap** : oh mood?

 **Nyxie Pixie** : oh worm?

 **Ignacious** : oh doom?

 **NoctGar** : you’re not even Bi

 **Ignacious** : I had to complete the circle

 **Hunkiolus** : w o w

 **Ignacious** : anyway I just wanna say that I’m gonna smooch your tattoo repeatedly when I see you again

 **NoctGar** : what if it’s in public?

 **Ignacious** : did I stutter

 **Nyxie Pixie** : <3

 **Choco-snap** : your tattoo is part of your culture therefore I love it because it’s a part of you

 **Nyxie Pixie** : what if I got a pic of Jester from DMC as a tattoo

 **Choco-snap** : congrats you ruined it

 **Moogle-Princess** : lmao

 **Ignacious** : I believe it’s my turn next

_Hands.jpeg_

**Moogle-Princess** : wait really?? I thought it’d be the acne scars

 **Ignacious** : loads of people get acne growing up it doesn't bother me

 **NoctGar** : I’ve never seen your bare hands until now?? This feels weirdly intimate???

 **Choco-snap** : avert your eyes children

 **Hunkiolus** : they’re really elegant looking though

 **Choco-snap** : his fingers are long and wonderful

 **Moogle-Princess** : um,,,

 **Choco-snap** : looking back I can see how that sounds and yeah that's nice too but I meant it feels nice to hold his hand

 **Ignacious** : aw I love you too

 **Choco-snap** : <3

 **NoctGar** : gross

 **Choco-snap** : jealousy

 **NoctGar** : S Q U I N T S

 **Moogle-Princess** : hey errrr

 **Hunkiolus** : OHMYGOD NYX IS FUCKIGN DEAD YALL

 **NoctGar** : I JUST SAW HIM HE’S HUNCHED OVER HIS PHONE ON THE FLOOR AND HE’S CRYING OMG OMG OMG

 **Nyxie Pixie** : HE’S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL I CAN'T BELIEVE I’M DATING HIM I’M SO LUCKY TO HAVE HIM I

 **Moogle-Princess** : why’d you stop

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I have no words to express how much I love him

 **Ignacious** : I’ll braid your hair for you tomorrow since you like them so much

 **Choco-snap** : but you have sensory issues D:

 **Ignacious** : it’s okay. I like the feeling of his hair

 **Nyxie Pixie** : <3 <3 <3

 **NoctGar** : wait is it the same sensory thing as Prompto?

 **Ignacious** : yes. It’s why I wear gloves because certain textures and such feel bad on my hands

 **NoctGar** : oooooohhhhhh

 **NoctGar** : that explains some things

 **Ignacious** : like?

 **NoctGar** : how you adapted so easily to Prompto’s sensory issues. Even if his ones are a result of mental health

 **Choco-snap** : you know you can just say Autism right? I don't mind you being blunt

 **NoctGar** : noted for later use

 **Ignacious** : /shrug/ it’s just part of being a friend I suppose

 **Hunkiolus** : you didn’t use the emoji

 **Ignacious** : die

 **Moogle-Princess** : lolol

 **Choco-snap** : I guess it’s my turn next huh?

 **Hunkiolus** : you don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable

 **Choco-snap** : I don't care about my tits or the stretchmarks Gladio

 **Hunkiolus** : then I got nothing

_FrecklesIguess.jpeg_

**Choco-snap** : idk they just make me stand out a lot

 **Nyxie Pixie** : xenophobia?

 **Choco-snap** : yh

 **NoctGar** : when I’m King I’ll be cracking down on that _hard_

 **Ignacious** : aren't you doing this already?

 **NoctGar** : perks of the title

 **Ignacious** : that's fair

 **Nyxie Pixie** : did you know it’s impossible to count all of Prompto’s freckles because he keeps getting new ones and I’d die before I counted them all?

 **Ignacious** : you wouldn’t if you didn’t keep losing count

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I’d like to see you do better

 **Ignacious** : ….

 **Ignacious** : anyway

 **Nyxie Pixie** : thought so

 **Moogle-Princess** : are you always like this?

 **NoctGar** : they are and it’s honestly disgusting

 **Hunkiolus** : rt

 **Papa Bear** : rt

 **Hunkiolus** : WAIT WHO WAS THAT

 **Choco-snap** : wouldn’t you like to know ;)

 **Ignacious** : I’M WORRIED??

 **Moogle-Princess** : same

 **NoctGar** : same

 **Nyxie Pixie** : same

 **Hunkiolus** : same

 **Choco-snap** : ;)))))

\----

 **Choco-snap** : HE WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED

 **Nyxie Pixie** : SATISFIED

 **Ignacious** : SATISFIED

 **Moogle-Princess** : got them into Hamilton huh?

 **Choco-snap** : THEY TOOK ME TO SEE IT AS A DATE I LOVE THEM???

 **Nyxie Pixie** : you were so passionate about it too it’s a surprise I payed any attention to the musical tbh

 **Ignacious** : not usually into musicals but can confirm Hamilton is worth it

 **Choco-snap** : we listened to the soundtrack too!

 **Moogle-Princess** : is Burr really a villain?

 **Choco-snap** : not really

 **Nyxie Pixie** : he kills Alex so yes

 **Choco-snap** : EXCUSE ME BITCH THE VILLAIN WAS HAMILTON’S OWN EGO HE WAS HIS OWN DOWNFALL

 **Nyxie Pixie** : BURR KILLED HIS OWN FRIEND IF HE’D HAVE JUST DONE WHAT HAMILTON ASKED HIM TO

 **Ignacious** : great now they’re arguing in the shower too

 **Moogle-Princess** : sorry

 **Moogle-Princess** : wait do you always shower together?

 **Ignacious** : not always but it is common

 **Moogle-Princess** : wow you really are disgusting

 **Ignacious** : I’m offended???

 **Moogle-Princess** : what house you in anyway?

 **Ignacious** : mine because it’s bigger

 **Moogle-Princess** : makes sense

 **Nyxie Pixie** : actually it was just closer and he fell asleep on the way back

 **Ignacious** : stop using your phone in the shower Nyx!

 **Nyxie Pixie** : :(

 **Moogle-Princess** : if this gets weird I’m leaving

 **Nyxie Pixie** : we have a private chat for that

 **Moogle-Princess** : dis gus ting

 **Nyxie Pixie** : so how’s the crush on Crowe going?

 **Moogle-Princess** : OH WOW LOOK AT HOW LATE IT IS I SUDDENLY HAVE A CURFEW GOTTA G O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY FOR BODY POSITIVITY
> 
> props to whoever can guess who Papa Bear is lmao. So I won't tag characters until they have an ~official appearance~ and I wont go crazy with the additional tags either. I'll try to only tag what I think is important and if there's anything specific you think I should tag just let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a really rude comment today (which I deleted to avoid any conflict) that told me nobody would want this fic. So my bitter ass finished this chapter just to prove a point. Shout out to all my commenters and my friend Dan and all kudos yal have given me because it fuels me to write more.

**NoctGar** : my dad just skateboarded into my room, shouted “fuck the police!” then jumped out my window????

 **Hunkiolus** : I

 **Hunkiolus** : okay then

 **NoctGar** : Clarus just came in and asked me if I’d seen him

 **Hunkiolus** : oh god

 **NoctGar** : I panicked and yelled “In this economy!?” and now he’s halfway out the window laughing himself to tears

 **Hunkiolus** : I’M CRYIGN

 **NoctGar** : SO AM I

 **NoctGar** : GOD JUST KILL ME NOW PLEASE

 **Papa Bear** : wrong universe

 **NoctGar** : wha

 **Hunkiolus** : I’m concerned for two very different reasons

 **Hunkiolus** : who the hell is that and what do they mean???

 **NoctGar** : I don't even know

 **Hunkiolus** : I just saw your dad skateboarding down the street like an absolute Legend while being chased by Cor I’m

 **Hunkiolus** : this is truly a Blessed Day

 **NoctGar** : kill me

\----

 **NoctGar** : if you were in a game

 **NoctGar** : and the fandom boiled you down to one thing

 **NoctGar** : what would it be?

 **Hunkiolus** : it’s 2:30 am wtf

 **NoctGar** : depression

 **Hunkiolus** : understandable

 **Hunkiolus** : cup noodles probably

 **NoctGar** : yeah I can see that

 **Hunkiolus** : since Iggy is sleeping I’ll say he’d probably be Cooking

 **NoctGar** : I was thinking more Mom Friend

 **Hunkiolus** : oh tru

 **Hunkiolus** : what about Prompto?

 **NoctGar** : insecurities

 **Hunkiolus** : can't believe they’d completely ignore his ability to wield guns

 **NoctGar** : and his technophile tendencies

 **NoctGar** : they’d probs think Iggy is the only one who can cook

 **Hunkiolus** : bullshit

 **Hunkiolus** : Prompto learned how to cook growing up with Shitty Parents

 **NoctGar** : yeah well

 **NoctGar** : some people don't like characters that are three dimensional I guess

 **Hunkiolus** : mm

 **NoctGar** : what would Iris be?

 **Hunkiolus** : cuteness I think

 **Hunkiolus** : unless they know she can fight in which case she’d be Little Girl with Big Sword

 **NoctGar** : I hope they’d see her fight cuz she kicked my ass last week

 **Hunkiolus** : I know it was amazing

 **NoctGar** : fuck you

 **Hunkiolus** : damn was two times not enough for you?

 **NoctGar** : can't believe you’re calling us both out like this

 **Hunkiolus** : I did not think this through

 **Hunkiolus** : f u c k

 **Moogle-Princess** : I never thought I’d hear about your sex life and yet

 **Hunkiolus** : the hell’re you doing up so late??

 **Moogle-Princess** : ….watching Brooklyn Nine Nine

 **Hunkiolus** : oh damn can I join you?

 **Moogle-Princess** : Sure!

 **NoctGar** : night

 **Hunkiolus** : night

 **Moogle-Princess** : see ya!

\----

 **Nyxie Pixie** : IM SWE A TI NG

 **Hunkiolus** : ???

 **Nyxie Pixie** : THERE'S RED EVRYWHERE

 **Hunkiolus** : hang on back up a minute I think I’m missing some details and it’s like 4am

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I’VE BEEN ON A LONG SHIFT ALL NIGHT RIGHT?? SO I’M REALLY TIRED AND WALK INTO MY APARTMENT AND SEE IGNIS AND PROMPTO MAKING OUT WHILE WEARING RED LIPSTICK AND IM V SUDDENLY

 **Nyxie Pixie** : _AWAKE_ YOU KNOW???

 **Hunkiolus** : is Ignis wearing The Suspenders?

 **Nyxie Pixie** : SOBS

 **Nyxie Pixie** : Y E S AND PROMPTO IS WEARING HEELS I

 **Hunkiolus** : been nice knowing you, buddy

 **Nyxie Pixie** : IF I DIE TELL LIBERTUS I LOVE HIM

 **Hunkiolus** : will do

\----

 **Choco-snap** : are forks just three pronged knives?? Are knives just really small swords?? Do fish pay other fish to ride the currents?? If they do, do turtles get in free or are they the fish you pay?? Are we just brains wearing flesh suits?? If you stayed too long in the fountain of youth would you like,,,turn wrinkly?? Or maybe become an egg since, you know, embryo’s and stuff??? Did you know the reason Bananas turn bruised is because they have no chill and try to get even RIPER than they already are??

 **Hunkiolus** : Prompto

 **Choco-snap** : ...time to sleep?

 **Hunkiolus** : time to sleep

 **Choco-snap** : okay

 **Choco-snap** : night, love you

 **Hunkiolus** : love you too, bro

\----

 **Hunkiolus** : WHY WON'T HOLT REPORT THIS ASSHOLE FOR HOW HE TREATED TERRY

 **Hunkiolus** : oh that's why

 **Hunkiolus** : I’m crying Terry is such a good dad to his daughters

 **Hunkiolus** : Iris fell asleep ages ago and I’m def gonna regret my one hour of sleep tomorrow but B99 was worth it

 **Hunkiolus** : B99 wasn't worth it I’m actually suffering someone help me

 **Papa Bear** : no. you brought this on yourself

 **Hunkiolus** : seriously who the hell are you???

 **Ignacious** : I would help you but I’m swamped with paperwork

 **Hunkiolus** : Prompto’s working today isn't he?

 **Ignacious** : thanks for reminding me that I won't be able to see my _either_ of my boyfriend’s today I honestly appreciate it

 **Hunkiolus** : SO HOW ABOUT THAT PERSON WHO ROBBED ALL THOSE SHOES HUH?? PRETTY CRAZY RIGHT??

 **Ignacious** : don't make this any worse for yourself

 **Hunkiolus** : noted

\----

 **Ignacious** : Prompto just sent me a selfie of the outfit he’s wearing and I don't think I’m gonna survive not seeing him today

 **Hunkiolus** : oh boy

 **Hunkiolus** : what does it look like?

 **Ignacious** : like CrownsGuard fatigues but far more casual

 **Hunkiolus** : oooohhhh I know the one

 **Ignacious** : ...how attractive does he look in it up close?

 **Hunkiolus** : let me just say

 **Hunkiolus** : if he wasn’t taken

 **Hunkiolus** : I’d absolutely go for him

 **Ignacious** : FUCK

 **Hunkiolus** : I just heard you shout that out loud from the training room are you okay??

 **Ignacious** : I’M TOO GAY FOR THIS

 **Hunkiolus** : HOW DO YOU THINK MY PANSEXUAL ASS FEELS???

 **Ignacious** : flat as a board probably

 **Hunkiolus** : wow fuck you too?? See if I ever listen to you cry over your boyfriend's again

 **Ignacious** : no wait

 **Hunkiolus** : too late

\----

 **Hunkiolus** : I’M GOING TO PUNCH VERSTAEL IN HIS FUKING FACE AND KNOCK ALL HIS TEETH OUT THEN SHOVE THEM DOWN HIS MOTHERFUCKING THROAT

 **NoctGar** : wait what happened

 **Hunkiolus** : I can't tell you the full thing unless Prompto wants me to but I can say that Verstael basically told him that the only reason we’re his friends are because we pity him for being ‘retarded’ and his mental health is just a huge inconvenience for us

 **Hunkiolus** : and the only reason I didn’t leave immediately to hunt that bastard down was because Prompto needed me more so I stayed with him until he fell asleep

 **NoctGar** : how long?

 **Hunkiolus** : 3 hours

 **NoctGar** : I’m getting a fucking warrant to get him put away for life at _best_

 **Hunkiolus** : “Let me fight him” “No cuz if he hits you might get hurt” “there’s no way his scrawny arms could hurt me. If he hits me I’ll hit back out of ‘self-defense’”

 **NoctGar** : I’m guessing he wouldn't let you

 **Hunkiolus** : yeah

 **Hunkiolus** : said his mom would blame him for it

 **NoctGar** : son of a bitch

 **Hunkiolus** : Dad said we’re gonna take him camping for a few days to get him away for a while

 **NoctGar** : URGH I HATE THAT THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING

 **Hunkiolus** : unless we get proof of what they do or Prompto stands up to them in Court then there’s nothing we can do

 **NoctGar** : I know and it’s so frustrating!!

 **Choco-snap** : you help

 **NoctGar** : !!!

 **Choco-snap** : you help by being supportive and helping me when things get rough. I can't word it right but you’re like. It’s like when I take my Anxiety meds but instead of just helping the Anxiety you help with everything???

 **Choco-snap** : does that make sense???

 **NoctGar** : it does

 **NoctGar** : you help me too you know

 **Choco-snap** : <3

 **NoctGar** : <3

 **Hunkiolus** : what, no love left for me?

 **Choco-snap** : I’m literally snuggling you right now

 **NoctGar** : I’m jealous???

 **Choco-snap** : you should be

 **Choco-snap** : he’s really comfy

 **NoctGar** : damn

 **Hunkiolus** : Maybe I should be ‘makes a comfy bed’ on my Shield Resumè

 **Choco-snap** : screw that fancy little e I hate it

 **NoctGar** : just save it as a shortcut on ur keyboard?

 **Choco-snap** : that's effort

 **NoctGar** : but downloading a kaomoji app isn't

 **Choco-snap** : nope

 **NoctGar** : sigh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the outfit Ignis sees Prompto wearing is [here](https://twitter.com/doomheralds/status/937486854131240961)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO I'VE BEEN WRITING STUFF FOR PROMNIS WEEK HENCE WHY THIS CHAPTER IS LATE AND NOT AS LONG AS IT WAS GOING TO BE IM SORRY

**Moogle-Princess** : I knew that you were good with guns but _holy s h i t_ seeing it first-hand is something else!

 **Choco-snap** : whispers

 **Choco-snap** : Lucians are just the worst marksmen ever

 **Hunkiolus** : okay, you know what meet me in the fucking pit

 **Choco-snap** : lmao sure

 **Moogle-Princess** : no weapons allowed - Dad

 **Hunkiolus** : D:

 **Choco-snap** : get rekt

 **Hunkiolus** : but he’s way too fast to hit otherwise!

 **Moogle-Princess** : learn to adapt then - Dad

 **Hunkiolus** : rude

 **Choco-snap** : I mean

 **Choco-snap** : he has a point though

 **Hunkiolus** : I’m kicking you outta the tent

 **Moogle-Princess** : you can’t

 **Moogle-Princess** : we’re binging B99 on Showbox tonight

 **Hunkiolus** : whatever happened to no electronics?

 **Choco-snap** : bitch we still have our phones don't we

 **Moogle-Princess** : we’re camping not going back to the stone-age - Dad

 **Hunkiolus** : I hate this fucking family

 **Choco-snap** : ;)

 **Moogle-Princess** : ;)

\----

 **Moogle-Princess** : Pro-tip: don't eat the pretty mushrooms

 **Choco-snap** : Iris what the fuck

 **Hunkiolus** : natural selection

 **Moogle-Princess** : F I G H T M E

 **Hunkiolus** : bring it on

 **Choco-snap** : hey, uh, Iris?

 **Moogle-Princess** : yeah?

 **Choco-snap** : what colour was the mushroom?

 **Moogle-Princess** : idk blue and red why?

 **Choco-snap** : ...I’m so sorry

 **Moogle-Princess** : WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?

 **Choco-snap** : it’s been nice knowing you

 **Hunkiolus** : hOLD ON JUST A SEC OND

 **Moogle-Princess** : Prompto?

 **Moogle-Princess** : PROMPTO WAIT I’M NOT ACTUALLY GONNA DIE RIGHT!?

 **Hunkiolus** : WAIT NO YOU GOTTA COME BACK

\----

 **Moogle-Princess** : I hate you

 **Choco-snap** : your own fault for eating them

 **Moogle-Princess** : I thought I was gonna die!

 **Choco-snap** : maybe you’ll think twice before trying shit without knowing what it is first

 **Moogle-Princess** : DAD’S LAUGHING AT M E

 **Hunkiolus** : wait what kind of mushrooms were they!?

 **Moogle-Princess** : all they do is give you a tummy ache and a sore throat! THAT'S LITERALLY IT

 **Hunkiolus** : useless mushrooms

 **Hunkiolus** : what's the point of looking pretty if you’re not a deadly poison

 **Moogle-Princess** : you know what? I’m getting a new brother

 **Choco-snap** : you can have mine

 **Hunkiolus** : I keep forgetting

 **Hunkiolus** : that you have siblings

 **Moogle-Princess** : wait really??

 **Choco-snap** : yeah

 **Choco-snap** : an older brother called Loqi and an even older sister called Aranea

 **Moogle-Princess** : are they bad or?

 **Choco-snap** : nah we get along super well. They moved out when I was little though so I don't see them much

 **Moogle-Princess** : why didn’t they take you with them D:

 **Choco-snap** : convo for another day

 **Hunkiolus** : that's fair

 **Moogle-Princess** : ...are they both hot?

 **Hunkiolus** : IRIS OHMYG

 **Moogle-Princess** : ITS AN IMPORTANT DETAIL

 **Choco-snap** : I mean I guess??? Depends on your type really

 **Hunkiolus** : are they older than me?

 **Choco-snap** : yea

 **Hunkiolus** : then they’re my type

 **Moogle-Princess** : b ye

 **Choco-snap** : fukcingf gvdbeaghe

\----

 **Choco-snap** : “don't worry” you said

 **Choco-snap** : “we’ll get the tent up fine” you said

 **Hunkiolus** : listen that bird nest came outta nowhere

 **Moogle-Princess** : can’t believe you’re Actually This Blind

 **Hunkiolus** : SVSGBGAHA

 **Choco-snap** : guess we’re sleeping under the stars tonight

 **Moogle-Princess** : I’m ignoring that joke and don't worry once Dad’s finished laughing he’ll fix it for us

 **Choco-snap** : that's fair

 **Hunkiolus** : uuuggggghhh

 **Choco-snap** : this is your fault you know

 **Hunkiolus** : blame the dumb birds!

 **Choco-snap** : GASP

 **Choco-snap** : HOW COULD YOU GLADIOLUS

 **Moogle-Princess** : fun fact: the other day I called him ‘Hunkio’ instead of ‘Gladio’ cuz his name on here haunts me in my dreams

 **Hunkiolus** : don't hate my Hercules obsession

 **Moogle-Princess** : I DID NOT EVEN MAKE THAT CONNECTION TILL JUST NOW I HATE YOU

 **Choco-snap** : WHO PUT THE GLAD IN GLADIATOR

 **Hunkiolus** : HUN-KI-O

 **Moogle-Princess** : acsbdnehahhahz

\----

 **Moogle-Princess** : can one of you tell Dad to stop singing nursery rhymes really slowly under his breath while we’RE WALKING THROUGH THE FOREST

 **Hunkiolus** : we have weapons you’ll be fine

 **Choco-snap** : unless a ghost or smth attacks us

 **Hunkiolus** : _listen_

 **Moogle-Princess** : he just looked at his phone, nodded to himself, then started singing Ghostbusters I’m

 **Choco-snap** : what a legend honestly

\----

 **Choco-snap** : what’s that noise???

 **Moogle-Princess** : a mating call - Dad

 **Hunkiolus** : its just the wind though??

 **Moogle-Princess** : are you saying the wind _doesn't_ have a mating call - Dad

 **Hunkiolus** : I

 **Hunkiolus** : okay then

\----

 **Hunkiolus** : we are never speaking of this again

 **Moogle-Princess** : told you it was a mating call - Dad

 **Choco-snap** : I can't believe that Anak thought you were a rival ma le omg

 **Hunkiolus** : s h u t

 **Choco-snap** : okay but why is _that_ the mating call for a Voretooth???

 **Moogle-Princess** : I

 **Hunkiolus** : don't say it. Please don't say it

 **Moogle-Princess** : It sounds like a vibrator put into a bowl of water

 **Hunkiolus:** I HATE YOU???

 **Choco-snap** : homygod it does

\----

 **Moogle-Princess** : Gladio’s snoring again!!

 **Choco-snap** : It’s just his mating call - Clarus

 **Moogle-Princess** : gasp

 **Moogle-Princess** : you finally called him Clarus!!

 **Choco-snap** : hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I gue ss

 **Moogle-Princess** : you’re one of the family now!

 **Choco-snap** : no??? I’m not???

 **Moogle-Princess** : ...Dad disagrees

\----

 **Choco-snap** : Okay but I’m actually crying???? How dare literally all of you???

 **Moogle-Princess** : I’m joining the hug pile fuck it

 **Hunkiolus** : why are you all hugging and why is Prom crying??

 **Moogle-Princess** : he didn’t think he was part of our family so Dad told him that if he ever needs to get away he has a father right here who’ll help him

 **Choco-snap** : STOP IM GONNA CRY AGAIN

 **Hunkiolus** : move over I’m hugging you all, too

 **Mooge-Princess** : he also said that Regis and Cor feel the same way :’)

 **Hunkiolus** : can’t believe you have 3 fathers like how lucky is that???

 **Choco-snap** : shut up and hug me

 **Hunkiolus** : on it

\----

 **Choco-snap** : I JUST GOT A TEXT FROM NOCT SAYING THE FLUERETS ARE HERE

 **Moogle-Princess** : FUCK THAT WAS TODAY???

 **Hunkiolus** : SHIT WE GOTTA GO DAD’S ALREADY IN A TIZZ AND HE LOOKS FRAZZLED

 **Choco-snap** : HOW DID YALL FORGET THIS!?

 **Moogle-Princess** : IDK WE’RE NOT THAT GREAT WITH DATES WHEN WE’RE CAMPING

 **Choco-snap** : YOU HAVE PHONES

 **Hunkiolus** : SHUT UP AND HELP US - Dad

 **Choco-snap** : COMING

 **Moogle-Princess** : COMING

\----

 **Moogle-Princess** : WE’RE BACK

 **NoctGar** : oh thank god cuz Luna is hvdmsdbnfbnsrhb

 **Moon-Moon** : SNATCHED

 **Moogle-Princess** : LUNA ITS BEEN SO LONG

 **Moon-Moon** : I MISSED YOU TOO

 **Hunkiolus** : did you really just steal Noct’s phone???

 **Moon-Moon** : yes. I’m currently sitting on him

 **Choco-snap** : be careful of his back!!!

 **Moon-Moon** : I know don't worry!!

 **Moogle-Princess** : awwww

 **Moogle-Princess** : is Ravus in the GC too now!?

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : No

 **Hunkiolus** : ohmygod

 **Moogle-Princess** : dmbhdnjjrfjs

 **Nyxie Pixie** : yes yes Ravus is here now WHERE’S MY BF I NEED TO KISS HIM

 **Choco-snap** : I WAS GONE FOR LIKE, TWO DAYS AT BEST

 **Nyxie Pixie** : TOO LONG

 **Ignacious** : MOVE I’M GAY

 **Moon-Moon** : Ravus already muted the chat oops

 **NoctGar** : sour puss

 **Choco-snap** : yay you got your phone back!

 **NoctGar** : I did! I have so many cat pics to show you!

 **Choco-snap** : omw

 **Moon-Moon** : Pryna and Umbra are here too!

 **Choco-snap** : MOVING FASTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao we finally get Luna and Ravus. Things are gonna get Spicy™


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was, no lie, the very first chapter I had planned out before I started writing this fic but originally it was gonna have more people in it. I figured it worked better like this

**Moon-Moon** : on a scale of one to ten how hot is Regis?

 **NoctGar** : excuse me?

 **Moon-Moon** : bear with me on this

 **Moogle-Princess** : a solid 9

 **Moon-Moon** : really? I thought he’d be a ten for you

 **Moogle-Princess** : not my type, personally

 **NoctGar** : why are we having this conversation?

 **Moon** \- **Moon** : I’m doing a Poll

 **NoctGar** : I’m not voting

 **Moon-Moon** : you will on the next one

 **NoctGar** : suspicion

 **Ignacious** : he’s a 10

 **NoctGar** : you too!?

 **Ignacious** : I’m gay not blind

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I agree he’s a 10

 **Hunkiolus** : bitch he’s an 11

 **Moon-Moon** : and what does our resident photographer think?

 **Choco-snap** : um

 **NoctGar** : sigh. You may as well. Everyone else has

 **Choco-snap** : ….11

 **Hunkiolus** : HA!

 **Moon-Moon** : I agree he’s extremely hot

 **NoctGar** : what's the point of this

 **Moon-Moon** : boredom

 **NoctGar** : rt

 **Ignacious** : rt

 **Moogle-Princess** : rt

 **Choco-snap** : rt

 **Hunkiolus** : rt

 **Nyxie Pixie** : rt

 **Moon-Moon** : okay the next dude person is

 **Choco-snap** : _drumroll_

 **Moon-Moon** : Clarus!

 **Moogle-Princess** : okay but won't this be weird since Dad told you he could be your father figure, Prom?

 **Choco-snap** : not really? He also said Regis feels the same but, like, I don't see them as my dads so

 **Moogle-Princess** : that's fair

 **Hunkiolus** : Noct are you really gonna

 **NoctGar** : 8

 **Moogle-Princess** : EXCUSE ME?? I GAVE YOUR DAD A 9 AND YOU GIVE MINE AN _8_!?

 **NoctGar** : what can I say he’s just not my type

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I’m interrupting before Iris commits homicide; Clarus is a 9

 **Ignacious** : rt

 **Hunkiolus** : I feel offended???

 **Moogle-Princess** : you better watch yourselves at night

 **Ignacious** : can I change my vote?

 **Nyxie Pixie** : B A B E

 **Moon-Moon** : no

 **Ignacious** : fuck

 **Choco-snap** : HE'S A STRONG SENSITIVE DILF

 **Moogle-Princess** : OMG???

 **Hunkiolus** : SCREAM

 **NoctGar** : YOU LIKE HIM BETTER THAN _MY DAD_!?

 **Ignacious** : that's your issue with this!?

 **Papa Bear** : I

 **Papa Bear** : am right here Prompto

 **Choco-snap** : FUKC

 **Moogle-Princess** : DAD!?

 **Hunkiolus** : ACZSJGWA

 **Papa Bear** : oh whoops just remembered I have a business...thing to take care of bye kids!

 **Moon-Moon** : well then

 **Moon-Moon** : anyway Clarus is a 6 from me

 **NoctGar** : REALLY LUNA!?

 **Moon-Moon** : shrug

 **Moon-Moon** : I like my men to have hair

 **Ignacious** : w o w

 **Nyxie Pixie** : savage

 **Choco** \- **snap** : I crave death

 **Moogle-Princess** : absolutely same

 **Hunkiolus** : rt

 **NoctGar** : Just for that we’re doing Cor next

 **Moon-Moon** : fuck you

 **Hunkiolus** : idk he’s like a 5

 **Moogle-Princess** : are...are you blind???

 **Ignacious** : forgive him his sight isn’t what it used to be

 **Hunkiolus** : well they can't all be winners!

 **Choco-snap** : see now _Cor_ is someone I’d consider a dad figure so I refuse to vote on this one

 **Moon-Moon** : that's fair

 **Nyxie Pixie** : most of us Glaives have had crushes on him before so, like, a solid 8

 **NoctGar** : I can fuck with that

 **Moon-Moon** : fricking uuuuuhhhhhhhh IDK A 7 I GUESS??

 **NoctGar** : :^)

 **Moon-Moon** : fight me

 **Ignacious** : may as well do my Uncle next

 **Moon-Moon** : ??

 **NoctGar** : Weskham

 **Moon-Moon** : oh

 **Moon-Moon** : wait he’s your uncle!?

 **Ignacious** : yes

 **Moogle-Princess** : he’s also an 11

 **Moon-Moon** : 4

 **Ignacious** : ...well that's rude

 **Hunkiolus** : nah I agree with her

 **Ignacious** : your blind ass opinion isn't necessary

 **Hunkiolus** : NVBCVRNJHAZ

 **Choco-snap** : shIT

 **Nyxie Pixie** : GET FUCKING R E K T

 **Choco-snap** : Weskham is a 9

 **Nyxie Pixie** : 8

 **Ignacious** : that's fair

 **NoctGar** : 12

 **Choco-snap** : well then

 **NoctGar** : I have a Type™

 **Ignacious** : I’m concerned

 **Choco-snap** : oh shit I’m suddenly very glad that my brother isn't here

 **Moon-Moon** : whys that?

 **Choco-snap** : he’d take one look at Cor and post a bunch of _S I N_

 **Hunkiolus** : well you can't just say that and not introduce us you’ve got my curiosity now

 **Choco-snap** : I’ll ask next time he visits

 **Moogle-Princess** : nice

 **Nyxie Pixie** : **@Papa** **Bear** thoughts on the ratings?

 **Papa Bear** : do Cid first

 **Choco-snap** : 4

 **Nyxie Pixie** : 3

 **Ignacious** : 2

 **NoctGar** : now there’s a pattern. 5

 **Moogle-Princess** : can't believe I’m doing this. 5

 **Hunkiolus** : neither can I but. 4

 **Moon-Moon** : 1 I guess

 **Papa Bear** : Regis - 10 we banged in the past. Cor - 7. Weskham - 10 same reason as Reggie. Cid - 5 but when he was younger a solid 12

 **Moogle-Princess** : I WANT TO DIE???

 **Hunkiolus** : YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO ADD THE REASONS

 **Moon-Moon** : I’m chOKING

 **Ignacious** : VDBRNSAGEAG

 **Choco-snap** : OMFG

 **Nyxie Pixie** : TAKING SCREENSHOTS

 **NoctGar** : SCREAMS

 **Papa Bear** : sweet dreams kiddos!

 **NoctGar** : I’M NEVER GONNA LOOK AT YOU THE SAME AGAIN

 **Moogle-Princess** : B Y E

 **Hunkiolus** : I wish I had amnesia

\----

 **Moogle-Princess** : we missed out Ardyn

 **NoctGar** : we did my dad lets not do my Uncle

 **Moon-Moon** : 2

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : false I know _exactly_ what kind of Sinful thoughts you’ve had towards that Carpet Nightmare

 **Moon-Moon** : NO DON'T CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS

 **NoctGar** : FUCKING REALLY LUNA!?

 **Moon-Moon** : S O B S

 **Moogle-Princess** : even _I’m_ not that desperate

 **Choco-snap** : put him in different clothing first

 **Nyxie Pixie** : ….I’m breaking up with you

 **Choco-snap** : understandable

 **Ignacious** : what’s your real rating then Luna?

 **Moon-Moon** : …..

 **Moon-Moon** : 13

 **NoctGar** : Cursed

 **Moon-Moon** : I’M SORRY

 **Hunkiolus** : 6

 **Moogle-Princess** : 1

 **Ignacious** : 6

 **Nyxie Pixie** : 5

 **Choco-snap** : 7

 **NoctGar** : Iris is my only friend

 **Moogle-Princess** : :)

 **Nyxie Pixie** : what about the people in this chat and the other Glaives?

 **Moon-Moon** : I only know you, Libertus and Crowe

 **Nyxie Pixie** : that's fair

 **NoctGar** : we can do the others when you get to know them better

 **Moon-Moon** : yes!!

 **Moogle-Princess** : Luna is a 10

 **Moon-Moon** : aw

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I have a thing for blondes so rt

 **Ignacious** : squints

 **Nyxie Pixie** : _babe_

 **Ignacious** : I’m gay so you’re a 6

 **Moon-Moon** : that's fair

 **Nyxie Pixie** : can't believe you’re ignoring your bf

 **Ignacious** : I Only Have One Boyfriend

 **Choco-snap** : :^)

 **Nyxie Pixie** : b a b e

 **NoctGar** : you’re like my sister so 5

 **Hunkiolus** : 8

 **Choco-snap** : 10

 **Moon-Moon** : I love all of you

 **Moon-Moon** : lets do Iris next!

 **Hunkiolus** : bye

 **Moogle-Princess** : can we do mine by cuteness instead?

 **Moon-Moon** : sure!

 **Ignacious** : 11

 **Nyxie Pixie** : 10

 **Choco-snap** : 11

 **NoctGar** : 9

 **Moon-Moon** : 12!

 **Hunkiolus** : cutest sister ever

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : false and slander

 **Hunkiolus** : run that by me again?

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : you heard me, Gladiolus

 **Moogle-Princess** : ANYWAY LET’S DO GLADIO

 **Choco-snap** : 10

 **Ignacious** : 12

 **Nyxie Pixie** : 12

 **NoctGar** : 10

 **Moon-Moon** : 8 sorry but facial hair is a bit…

 **Hunkiolus** : that's fair

 **Ignacious** : Noctis

 **Choco-snap** : 11

 **Nyxie Pixie** : rt

 **Hunkiolus** : rt

 **Ignacious** : rt

 **Moogle-Princess** : rt

 **NoctGar** : I’m love you all so much

 **Moon-Moon** : 10 cuz I never thought about you that way before but I agree you’re v attractive

 **NoctGar** : <3

 **Moon-Moon** : <3

 **Choco-snap** : Ignis and Nyx are both The Hottest to me

 **NoctGar** : g a y

 **Hunkiolus** : pretty sure we can skip their votes for each other

 **Ignacious** : yes

 **Nyxie Pixie** : well that’s unfair

 **Moon-Moon** : are you saying you aren't biased to them?

 **Nyxie Pixie** : ...fair

 **Moogle-Princess** : since they’re a package deal: Prompto - 7 but only cuz I see you as family. Nyx - 13. Ignis - 12

 **Hunkiolus** : same here

 **NoctGar** : Prompto - 12. Nyx - 14. Ignis - 10

 **Moon-Moon** : Prompto - cute as Iris. Nyx - 15. Ignis - 11

 **Moogle-Princess** : I like how Nyx gets the highest votes all in all

 **NoctGar** : he’s everyone’s sexuality for a reason

 **Hunkiolus** : ^

 **Ignacious** : and I’m forever smug that he’s my boyfriend

 **Nyxie Pixie** : aw <3

 **Choco-snap** : same tbh

 **NoctGar** : rude

 **Hunkiolus** : I came out here to have a good time

 **Moogle-Princess** : OOOOO PROMPTO SHOW LUNA THAT PIC OF YOUR SISTER

 **Choco-snap** : OH RIGHT

 **Moon-Moon** : she sent you a pic!?

 **NoctGar** : I feel like I’m missing something here….

 **Moogle-Princess** : last night Luna asked is Prom had any photos of Aranea but he said no so he sent his sister a text asking her to send a selfie!

 **Ignacious** : I’m intrigued

_Aranea.jpeg_

**Moogle-Princess** : fans self

 **Moogle-Princess** : Aranea is hot af

 **Hunkiolus** : shit man good looks must run in the family somehow

 **Choco-snap** : from our mom

 **NoctGar** : I’m gay but good lord I wish that were me

 **Ignacious** : same

 **Nyxie Pixie** : step on me Aranea

 **Choco-snap** : she gets that specific response a lot tbh

 **Moon-Moon** : I FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED HOLYSHITGFNFJNJRHSJR

 **NoctGar** : LUNA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

 **Moon-Moon** : STEP ON ME LADY A I’M GAY AS FUCK AND JUST AS HVMDBRFNJSRHSJNDH

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : not doing that

 **Moogle-Princess** : ohmyg

 **Choco-snap** : w e l p

 **NoctGar** : I think she’s literally sobbing on the floor

 **Nyxie Pixie** : Jesus Christ

 **Ignacious** : swap Aranea with Prompto and Luna is Relatable™

 **Nyxie Pixie** : oh mood?

 **Choco-snap** : /////////////////

 **Hunkiolus** : b y e

\----

 **Moogle-Princess** : Ravus you never told us your ratings for us!

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : -5

 **Moogle-Princess** : RUDE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who guessed that Papa Bear was Clarus: CONGRATS!!! 
> 
> Okay so from here on I'm gonna be splitting up the chats so there's more one-on-one interactions mostly so that it's easier to write and, hopefully, easier to grasp everyone's personalities and such as new characters appear


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Updating a fic? Lies and slander but also,,,,I literally did this just to have a Fancy Way of including some exposition so like...yeah. Also if yall need a guide to remind you who is who I'd be happy to put one in the notes at the beginning of each chapter if it helps. Just lmk okay?

**Moon-Moon** : So

 **Moogle-Princess** : okay I’m p sure you waited till we were the only ones online and I’m worried

 **Moon-Moon** : no no it's nothing bad I promise!

 **Moon-Moon** : I just wanted to know some Backstory about everything and I felt awkward asking the others you know?

 **Moogle-Princess** : you know what that's fair. Ask away then! I’ll try and answer as much as possible!

 **Moon-Moon** : are Gladio and Noct dating or?

 **Moogle-Princess** : friends with benefits

 **Moon-Moon** : understandable

 **Moogle-Princess** : they've never said it out loud but like,,,,we all Know

 **Moon-Moon** : I feel like there's a story behind this

 **Moogle-Princess** : the tldr version is that they aren't...subtle you know??? Walls are thin and errrr I’m traumatized for life

 **Moon-Moon** : C H R I S T

 **Moogle-Princess** : moVING ON FROM THIS THOUGHT PROCESS

 **Moon-Moon** : chinhands

 **Moon-Moon** : so tell me about this Poly Situation

 **Moogle-Princess** : oh boy

 **Moon-Moon** : I’m Concerned™

 **Moogle-Princess** : Nyx is a Bi fucking disaster, Ignis is a Gay Fool and Prompto is the only one with balls in this relationship

 **Moon-Moon** : _tell me more_

 **Moogle-Princess** : okay I don't know the full details so fuckingg bare with me bUT I CAN TELL YOU WHAT I DO KNOW

 **Moon-Moon** : is it embarrassing

 **Moogle-Princess** : very

 **Moon-Moon** : lay it on me

 **Moogle-Princess** : before this all got sorted Nyx had a Big Crush on Ignis because he memed really hard or some shit idk but anyway. So for a few years it's just a crush right? Except crushes don't last years so eventually Crowe is like “youre in love you stupid ass” and he's like “oh no”

 **Moon-Moon** : Crowe is the hot girl with wild hair right

 **Moogle-Princess** : yh

 **Moon-Moon** : alright continue

 **Moogle-Princess** : so fast forward to a bunch of weeks where its just Nyx being a Disaster Bi who loses all his cool points and composure at the mere sound of Ignis talking. Literally he once threw a lance across the training hall because Ignis _smiled_ and it almost knocked Cor out but he dodged and it hit Drautos instead

 **Moon-Moon** : couldn't he just,,,catch it?

 **Moogle-Princess** : we think it was on purpose but he refuses to confirm our suspicions

 **Moon-Moon** : pout

 **Moogle-Princess** : exactly

 **Moon-Moon** : so where does Prompto come in

 **Moogle-Princess** : I’m getting to that

 **Moogle-Princess** : so it turns out during all of this he’s also fallen in love with a ~mysterious blonde photographer~ who we only discover is Prompto because Nyx happens to see him in the Citadel, points him out, and is promptly (ha!) told “oh you mean the Prince’s friend?” and you can just _see_ the dread settling onto his face

 **Moon-Moon** : I’m already suffering from secondhand embarrassment and I have water next to me so I can chug it when things get Spicy

 **Moogle-Princess** : damn you're thirsty for Gossip aren't you

 **Moon-Moon** : tis a gift

 **Moogle-Princess** : fair

 **Moogle-Princess** : so idk all the details cuz I had a fever at the time but basically there was a point at some christmas party or w/e where Nyx had the perfect opportunity to confess to Ignis under the moonlight and all that romantic shit

 **Moon-Moon** : oh no

 **Moogle-Princess** : instead of doing that however he does this WEIRD and AWKWARD finger guns thing, which confuses the fuck outta Ignis, then tries jumping out the window to escape the situation and gets himself stuck in a bush for an hour so :/

 **Moon-Moon** : a mood

 **Moogle-Princess** : oh my god

 **Moon-Moon** : look I’m not saying I once fell into a river as I flirted with someone and then never called them back out of embarrassment but

 **Moogle-Princess** : are all Bi’s like this?

 **Moon-Moon** : yes. It’ll happen to you eventually

 **Moogle-Princess** : Suddenly I’m Gay

 **Moon-Moon** : gays can't drive

 **Moogle-Princess** : Ignis can

 **Moon-Moon** : he's an outlier

 **Moogle-Princess** : damn true

 **Moon-Moon** : Nyx didn’t sleep with them or anything though right?

 **Moogle-Princess** : :^)

 **Moon-Moon** : _oh my god_

 **Moogle-Princess** : A Bi Disaster

 **Moon-Moon** : Please,,,tell me that Ignis was Composed at least

 **Moogle-Princess** : ….um

 **Moon-Moon** : Shiva’s Tits

 **Moogle-Princess** : Nyx complimented him once and he literally melted onto the floor and _whined_

 **Moon-Moon** : stares into the fucking distance

 **Moogle-Princess** : Big Mood

 **Moogle-Princess** : making a long story short Prompto was the one who got everyone's shit together because he’d rather just confess than deal with miscommunication and all that good shit

 **Moon-Moon** : oh i see what you mean when you said he was the balls

 **Moogle-Princess** : yep

 **Moogle-Princess** : Noctis knew Nyx liked Prom and like, slyly asked him about it and i have never seen a Trained Glaive lose their composure and become the worst fucking liar so quickly in my entire 16 years of life

 **Moon-Moon** : was Cor embarrassed

 **Moogle-Princess** : No he was too busy _cackling_

 **Moon-Moon** : that sounds mildly terrifying

 **Moogle-Princess** : it was

 **Moon-Moon** : Did Nyx try to avoid them at all?

 **Moogle-Princess** : A lot. He constantly came up with excuses to leave the room when Ignis entered because otherwise his Cool Points would go into the Negatives

 **Nyxie Pixie** : WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU’RE ONLY ATTACKING ME, LIKE THIS, IN MY OWN H O M E

 **Moogle-Princess** : it’s what you get for stealing my chicken nuggets :/

 **Ignacious** : WAIT THIS IS WHY YOU KEPT AVOIDING ME I THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE YOU HATED ME

 **Nyxie Pixie** : N E V E R

 **Papa Bear** : you really didn’t notice,,,that he was head over heels for you??

 **Ignacious** : NO? IT WASN'T OBVIOUS???

 **Papa Bear** : ….

 **Papa Bear** has left the chat

 **Moogle-Princess** : l m a o

 **Moon-Moon** : I’m cackling omg

 **Ignacious** : I

 **NoctGar** : As much as I enjoy a good CallOut can you not,,,blow u my notifs and fucking errrr 2:15 am

 **Moogle-Princess** : mute the chat

 **NoctGar** : effort


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short but technically Aranea and Regis werent meant to appear till much later yet here we are

**Choco-snap** : “blowing u my notifs and fucking”

 **NoctGar** : stop sleepshaming me

 **Moogle-Princess** : so much for liking a good callout

 **NoctGar** : I’m being bullied

 **Moogle-Princess** : Bullying Is My Kink

 **Hunkiolus** : I’m kinkshaming you :/

 **Moogle-Princess** : You can't kinkshame me if you’re a clown fucker, bro

 **Choco-snap** : dkmbrfh

 **NoctGar** : n o

 **Hunkiolus** : SHUT UP

 **Moogle-Princess** : PSA THAT GLADIO FINDS CLOWNS SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE

 **Hunkiolus** : I HATE THIS

 **Choco-snap** : does Pennywise make you hot under the collar Gladdy~~

 **NoctGar** : please,,,do not

 **SilverFox** : hey kids can you settle down back there

 **Papa Bear** : you have no right to comment, Reggie

 **NoctGar** : MY DAD’S HERE TOO?? FOR HOW LONG!?

 **SilverFox** : I suddenly have something very important to do bye

 **NoctGar** : GET BACK HERE

 **Choco-snap** : I’m off to work now see ya

 **Papa Bear** : same here

 **NoctGar** : WAIT

 **Hunkiolus** : stares into the camera

 **Moogle-Princess** : this is a mess

\----

 **Choco-snap** added **Aranea** to the chat

 **Aranea** : yo

 **Choco-snap** : she insisted I introduce you :’)

 **Moon-Moon** : SC REA MS

 **Aranea** : so I here some of yall want me to step on you

 **Aranea** : give me a time, date, place, safewords and I’ll do it

 **Hunkiolus** : I’m sobbing I don't know how to feel

 **NoctGar** : well that's one way to make an impression

 **Choco-snap** : one of those ppl was my boyfriend so like can you not please

 **Aranea** : which boyfriend

 **Aranea** : which fucking boyfriend, Prompto

 **Choco-snap** : I can't tell you because you’ll murder him and that’ll make me sad

 **Aranea** : …..

 **Aranea** : fine

 **Nyxie Pixie** : question

 **Nyxie Pixie** : should I be afraid of you

 **Aranea** : if anyone hurts my brother you better call me Sweeney Todd cuz I’ll set up a meat stall in Lestallum. The meat? You

 **Ignacious** : Time to start digging my grave

 **Nyxie Pixie** : been nice knowing yall

 **Choco-snap** : stop teasing them

 **Aranea** : I’m not. The whole reason I joined this chat was just to make sure you’re safe and happy

 **Moon-Moon** : colour me terrified and aroused

 **Moon-Moon** : oh shit wrong chat

 **Aranea** : you must be Luna

 **Moon-Moon** : dbrhnernjmetjnetjetjtj

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : that's her

 **Aranea** : well well well

 **Choco-snap** : oh no

 **Aranea** : you really are a sweetheart aren't you?

 **Moon-Moon** : I gotta g o ummmmmmmmmmm

 **Aranea** : embarrassed?

 **Moon-Moon** : MMHM

 **Aranea** : ;)

 **Moon-Moon** : SCREAM

 **Choco-snap** : Sis

 **Aranea** : alright I’ll stop

 **Aranea** : for now

 **Moogle-Princess** : why don't you have a chat name?

 **Aranea** : too many good options

 **NoctGar** : big mood

 **Aranea** : you have a name tho

 **NoctGar** : inside joke

 **Aranea** : /shrug

 **Hunkiolus** : Idk how to read your personality

 **Aranea** : good I like seeing people suffer

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : I can relate to that

 **Aranea** : what’s your favourite torture method

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : whatever gets the job done at the time

 **Aranea** : we’re gonna get along really well, I can feel it

 **Choco-snap** : oh no

 **Moon-Moon** : this was a mistake

 **Aranea** : I just did some backreading and I really wish I killed our parents when I had the chance

 **Moogle-Princess** : I’ve been wondering about that like why didn't you take Prom with you?

 **Choco-snap** : you don't have to answer that

 **Aranea** : It’s fine

 **Aranea** : truth is I tried to get custody of both my brothers but before I could win the court battle for Prompto they found out that I was, well, hanging out with mercenaries so they deemed me “too dangerous” to care for him and now I could get arrested if I’m seen anywhere near our parents

 **Aranea** : so yeah. I did great as an older sister didn't I?

 **NoctGar** : shit

 **Nyxie Pixie** : oh

 **Choco-snap** : this isn't your fault you know

 **Aranea** : sure its not

 **Aranea** : look a job just came in so I’ve gotta

 **Aranea** : do that or w/e

 **Choco-snap** : Aranea….

 **Aranea** : talk later kiddos

 **Choco-snap** : sorry. She always does this whenever it comes up

 **Ignacious** : you wanna call her?

 **Choco-snap** : yeah I’ll

 **Choco-snap** : be back later

 **Moon-Moon** : tell her that, as far as I’m concerned, she’s doing a pretty damn good job given your circumstances

 **Moogle-Princess** : agree

 **Hunkiolus** : yeah

 **Choco-snap** : okay

 **Choco-snap** : thanks guys


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it sure has been a while huh? Sorry I haven't really updated this in so long I was planning too but then I had other stuff to write and then my mental health took a really deep plummet for a long time so I apologize if this isn't as good as the other chapters but I'm trying to do what I can. Thank you all so much for your continued support though it means a lot to me!

**Aranea** : I’ve only known the Fleurets for a day but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this chat and then myself

 **Choco-snap** : the biggest mood

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : I am...fond of you two as well

 **Choco-snap** : aw we’re buddies :’)

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : don't push it

 **Choco-snap** : fair enough

 **Moon-Moon** : Ray-Ray you’ve come so far since we were kids I’m so proud of you

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : Please Do Not Call Me That

 **Choco-snap** : ?? but? You didn't mind when I called you Rae?

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : you’re on thin fucking ice

 **Aranea** : that's valid

~~~~

 **Reckless Brat** : Prompto control your boyfriend

 **Choco-snap** : which one?

 **Reckless Brat** : Ulric

 **Choco-snap** : ah

 **Choco-snap** : what he do?

 **Reckless Brat** : he was late to a meeting so Libertus told us to let him handle it

 **Choco-snap** : Oh No

 **Reckless Brat** : he yelled out “this bitch empty” and then Ulric appeared out of thin air, smashed a forty on the ground, and shouted, at the top of his lungs, “yeet”

 **Choco-snap** : ho my god help me Titan

 **Choco-snap** : ….was it funny

 **Reckless Brat** : Drautos looked constipated so yes it was very funny for me but that's not the point

 **NoctGar** : so I’m assuming you’re the Marshall and I just want you to take a look at your name in this chat real quick

 **Reckless Brat** : ….

 **Reckless Brat** : I’m going to kill your father

 **NoctGar** : that's fair

~~~~

 **NoctGar** : so I was wondering. Aranea you can't be seen anywhere near the fucks right?

 **Aranea** : yes that's correct

 **NoctGar** : so if I, like, had you visit the Citadel _technically_ you wouldn't be near them and you could, you know, just happen to see your little brother and decide to catch up with him or whatever soooooo

 **Aranea** : oh

 **Aranea** : you...would do that for us?

 **NoctGar** : well duh I have the authority

 **Aranea** : I

 **Aranea** : ...would Loqi be allowed to come with me?

 **NoctGar** : pretty sure I could sneak him in as your guard or something

 **Aranea** : this doesn't mean I’m going to hug you but...thank you Noctis

 **NoctGar** : hey what are friends for right?

 **Aranea** : we’re not friends

 **NoctGar** : no but I’m Prompto’s friend and that’s what counts isn't it?

 **Aranea** : I suppose

 **NoctGar** : you’re a pretty hard nut to crack aren't you

 **Aranea** : part of my charm

 **Aranea** : I may not show you any affection but if you do need me to get rid of any unsavoury types in return…

 **NoctGar** : I’ll keep that in mind next time I have to deal with ‘foreign dignitaries’

 **Aranea** : great good talk well I have somewhere to be so

 **NoctGar** : yeah no totally I will...talk to you...whenever I guess

 **Aranea** : yep

 **NoctGar** : yeah so

 **NoctGar** : bye

 **Aranea** : yup

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : and everyone says I’m bad with emotions

 **Aranea** : don't judge me


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been a while for this thing huh? I don't have much to say here honestly except thank you for your continued support and thank you Furaill for doing [this](https://twitter.com/Furaill/status/959234200833609728) awesome fanart that I kept forgetting to link

**Nyxie Pixie** : I am, as the straights would say, in the dog house

 **Ignacious** : continue with your sin and I’ll leave on you on the side of the road

 **Moogle-Princess** : what did you do

 **Choco-snap** : check his twitter

 **Moogle-Princess** : …

 **Moogle-Princess** : Nyx

 **Nyxie Pixie** : I said what I said

 **Hunkiolus** : arrested for twitter crimes

 **Aranea** : damn I don't have a twitter :/

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : good don't get one

 **Moon-Moon** : aw Ray-Ray don't be like that you know my memes are good

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : hm. Doubt

 **NoctGar** : I wake up and the first thing I see is Nyx calling a fictional character ‘hot smoking liver chunks’ bye I’m hibernating for the next ten years

 **Nyxie Pixie** : am I wrong though

 **Aranea** : Loqi is worse

 **Choco-snap** : Loqi isn’t here to thirst over Dante

 **Aranea** : do they know what he looks like yet?

 **NoctGar** : No and I’m worried

_LoqiCursed.jpeg_

**Try-Me-Bitch** : that’s...your brother

 **Aranea** : yep

 **Moon-Moon** : he took a very deep breath and now he looks ready for murder

 **Aranea** : ah. I see. He works with you then

 **Choco-snap** : oh boy

 **NoctGar** : it’s a small world after all

 **Ignacious** : stop

 **Aranea** : what nickname did he give you

 **Try-Me-Bitch** : … Sugar Buns

 **Moogle-Princess** : VKVBMRBETNAVMFBK

 **Moon-Moon** : JESUS

 **NoctGar** : I’M

 **Choco-snap** : not the worse he’s ever said

 **Aranea** : mmmmmmmmm barely

 **Ignacious** : One Fear

~~~~

 **SilverFox** : QUICK HIDE ME

 **Papa-Bear** : what happened now

 **SilverFox** : AULEA WANTS TO KILL ME

 **Reckless Brat** : then die

 **Papa-Bear** : been nice knowing you

 **SilverFox** : as your King I order you to protect me

 **Reckless Brat** : Time To Mutiny

 **Papa-Bear** : on my way I guess

 **NoctGar** : two types of people

 **SilverFox** : hey son how’s it hanging

 **NoctGar** : Suddenly I Have No Family

 **NoctGar** : what did you do to mum this time

 **SilverFox** : …

 **SilverFox** : I don't think you want to know

 **Papa-Bear** : I just arrived and can confirm that no you don't want to know

 **Papa-Bear** : Regis put some damn clothes on I don't want to see you naked you look pathetic enough already

 **NoctGar** : OKAY TOO MUCH INFO I’M MUTING THIS CHAT FOREVER

 **Reckless Brat** : Regis is dead now Aulea is my new King/Queen

 **NoctGar** : valid

 **SilverFox** : oof big mood

 **NoctGar** : squints

 **SilverFox** : …

 **SilverFox** : anyway

 **Papa-Bear** : you just made it worse for yourself

 **SilverFox** : ah :’) the story of my life

 **Reckless Brat** : I hate everything

~~~~

 **Moogle-Princess** : this is a Gladio Appreciation Chat now and I’m the president

 **Moon-Moon** : I’m crying he’s so soft?? And pure??

 **Moogle-Princess** : he loves animals so much he tries to pet every dog he sees and he says good morning to like, every magpie ever

 **Moon-Moon** : DECEASED

 **Aranea** : real talk how is he single?

 **Moogle-Princess** : maybe you could date him wink wink

 **Aranea** : big lesbian no can do

 **Moogle-Princess** : damn

 **Moon-Moon** : ...is the offer for being stepped on still a thing or

 **Aranea** : for you honey? Anytime

 **Moon-Moon** : I’m going to have a shower now goodbye

 **Moogle-Princess** : are you two dating now

 **Aranea** : Not Yet

 **Moogle-Princess** : that sounds like a threat

 **Aranea** : :))))

 **Moogle-Princess** : One Fear


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Parents Do Some Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what happened here but now we get to meet all of the Adults and see Their Bullshit! Hooray! Also yes the chat they're in is separate from the one with Everyone Else hence "Parent Crimes" lmao

**Parent Crimes**

**SilverFox** : Objectively which one is worse: getting murdered by a cake knife or being cooked in the oven

 **Papa-Bear** : Wh

 **Reckless Brat** : the oven is worse

 **Sword Big** : I hate that I know why you know that

 **Papa-Bear** : what are you kids getting up to, Drautos

 **Sword Big** : nothing you can prove

 **SilverFox** : Moogle how do I apologize to my husband for eating the cookie dough

 **Oh?Gender?** : you don't because I’m going to fucking kill you

 **SilverFox** : understandable

 **Papa-Bear** : I hate this family

 **Reckless Brat** : hm. Doubt

 **Papa-Bear** : don't do this to me, brat

 **WrenchMyAss** : it’s 5am why are you two baking

 **Mono-sexual** : Cid when will you change your name

 **WrenchMyAss** : when you change yours

 **Mono-sexual** : understandable have a pleasant morning

 **Papa-Bear** : I say it once I say it again: wrenches and monocles aren't sexual and they never will be

 **Oh?Gender?** : clearly you’re not using them right then

 **Papa-Bear** : A-aulea what do you mean

 **Oh?Gender?** : (:

 **SilverFox** : hmmm interesting

 **Oh?Gender?** : you’re still on thin fucking ice

 **SilverFox** : that's fair

 **Reckless Brat** : I hate this. I hate all of this

 **Sword Big** : why do you think I leave 90% of the time

 **Reckless Brat** : how’s Nyx

 **Sword Big** : dead to me

 **Oh?Gender?** : what did he do now

 **Sword Big** : what didn't he do

 **Mono-sexual** : are you sure it’s just him and not the others

 **WrenchMyAss** : oh no the other Glaives do shit too but Nyx is, without a doubt, the worst

 **Mono-sexual** : how do you know that

 **WrenchMyAss** : car crimes

 **Mono-sexual** : ah

 **Sword Big** : do I want to know

 **WrenchMyAss** : he managed to fit a live Dualhorn into his car while high as a buzzard and y’alls fucking Glaives did shit to stop him

 **Sword Big** : oh

 **Reckless Brat** : not as bad as Regis

 **Mono-sexual** : nobody is as bad as Regis

 **SilverFox** : hey now stop that

 **Oh?Gender?** : you tried to suplex the Adamantoise

 **SilverFox** : s h u t

 **Mono-sexual** : hm we’re missing someone in this roster

 **LemmeSmash** : hello Weskham

 **Mono-sexual** : Amaryllis hi!

 **Papa-Bear** : honey,,,I love you but please,,,your name

 **LemmeSmash** :

 **LemmeSmash** changed their name to **Thighs**

 **Oh?Gender?** : Big Mood

 **Papa-Bear** : me, being crushed by your thighs: so no head?

 **SilverFox** : I hate this and I hate you

 **Thighs** : me, crushing you with my thighs: Perish For Your Crimes

 **Papa-Bear** : what crimes

 **Thighs** : stealing my heart <3

 **Papa-Bear** : !!!

 **Papa-Bear** : <3

 **Mono-sexual** : when your wife has no hair so you just start slapping

 **Sword Big** : when your wife is taller than you so you wear heels to make kissing easier

 **Thighs** : both of these are true

 **Papa-Bear** : I regret this marriage

 **Thighs** : no you don't

 **Papa-Bear** : shit you’re right

 **Oh?Gender?** : I regret marrying my mess of a man every day of my life

 **SilverFox** : and yet you are still here :)

 **Oh?Gender?** : am I

 **SilverFox** : yes you are you’re kissing me right now

 **WineAunt** : I’m back bitches and ready to ruin your day!

 **SilverFox** : seeing your name has already done that Ardyn

 **WineAunt** : all according to plan

 **_Reckless Brat_ ** _has left the chat_

 **WineAunt** : shame I had some Crimes planned for him

 **Oh?Gender?** : Begone Thot

 **WineAunt** : never I live here now

 **WineAunt** : It’s my home, my haunting, and extension of my Presence

 **WrenchMyAss** : an extension of your disgusting carpet coat then

 **WineAunt** : I can't believe you let him attack me in my own home

 **SilverFox** : suddenly I can’t read

 **Sword Big** : a mistake has been made

 **Mono-sexual** : lmao

 **Thighs** : welcome back Ardyn you cretin

 **WineAunt** : and welcome back to you too, my dear

 **Papa-Bear** : ah yes

 **Papa-Bear** : the return of the pet names

 **WineAunt** : I have one for you too HoneyBee ;)

 **Papa-Bear** : why must you remind me of my Dark Past

 **Mono-sexual** : the lore is important

 **Sword Big** : Cor just walked in with 50 pool noodles

 **_Reckless Brat_ ** _rejoined the chat_

 **Reckless Brat** : My impulse control is very low and they were _on sale_

 **SilverFox** : I’m going to jump into them and see if they can break my fall

 **Oh?Gender?** : Regis you fucking idiot

 **Mono-sexual** : I don't see you stopping him

 **Oh?Gender?** : warps

 **WrenchMyAss** : understandable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would say I'm sorry for all this bullshittery but honestly? No I'm not it's glorious


End file.
